A story to the future generations.
To tell you the truth I don’t know where to start. What a journey it has been.
It has been around 7 months since the filing of candidacy, 3 months campaign period, 4 campaign rallies (Iloilo Grand Rally, Iloilo Mini Rally, Tapaz Caravan & Mini Rally, and Iloilo Grand Pasasalamat), Dozens of rallies I watched live online, Psych for Leni-Kiko Member, Tapaz for Leni-Kiko Volunteer, PINKnalangga Youth Iloilo Volunteer Photographer, House to House Initiatives for Leni-Kiko (Tao sa Tao at Puso sa Puso), even ‘bardahan’ with family members and friends and so much more, later. It was a hard journey but it has been a worthwhile one. This is something I will remember for the rest of my lifetime, a story I will never be ashamed of sharing, an experience I will never trade for the world, and a choice I will never regret.
I started writing this 6 days after election day. My heart is still heavy but I’m in that phase where I am starting to accept the way things are going and am on my way to healing. I never expected it nor was I prepared for it but it really felt like a heartbreak, the moment the results flashed on our screens, my heart just dropped 6ft under and I was covered with the question “why?”. I know how I felt and is still feeling right now are valid knowing that I and together with my ‘kapwa kakampinks’ pulled so much effort in this campaign, poured our heart and strength out and in just a day or hours even, we found out that it sure wasn’t enough. Personally, the thing that even made this campaign harder for me was because there are many people in my life that support the other side but that didn’t stop me, I didn’t make it stop me. The first 2–3 days after the elections, I felt a lot of anger, I was mad even, it just felt like many people are just allergic to ‘gobyernong tapat’, that many people despite having the privilege to access information and search for reliable information, they somehow still choose to believe fake news and even spread them, lies after lies after lies. It’s sad that we wasted such genuine leaders and such great candidates, where they could’ve been our country’s hope and redemption, other countries even recognized them as the ‘dream’ candidates. It’s even excruciating that the goal of the supporters of the other side is to only beat us ‘kakampinks’, while we are trying to fight for good governance for ourselves, for our families, friends, for them and for all the Filipino people. Some say “we wish our country to fail just to prove we are right” where in fact we never wished our country to fail, why would we wish our home to fail?, what we really wish, pray and hope is that whoever wins they wouldn’t fail us. I’m not sad with the fact that VP Leni, Sen. Kiko, and Tropang Angat lost the elections, I know they will still work with the people after, they will still continue their own lives and their legacy on fighting for all of us Filipinos. What I’m sad about is we lost the chance and an opportunity for a better country. The bright side to this is VP Leni finally goes home and be with her girls, they’ve been longing for her for so long that they deserve to finally be together back into their simple life. Other than being sad and angry I also felt scared and worried, what will become of me and my generation now that our path to a better future is robbed away from us. Imagine studying and graduating in this political climate, what will happen when we graduate, what kind of systems will we be working on. The people might not feel it yet but the consequences of this run much deeper and it will show in the next few months. The effects might not be something we can see instantly, but it will catch up on all of us soon. Out of all of this, I saw how our country and many of our people never seem to learn from the past. Conversations with my cousins and friends, as we are all together in this fight, if this translates into a People Power Revolution then we will take it to the streets. Then we will fight. This isn’t for Leni nor Kiko anymore, this is for the Philippines and our people.
I am now starting to realize that it is hard to love a country that doesn’t love itself. ‘Nakakapagod nang ipaglaban ang Pilipinas, nakakapagod mahalin ang bayan na ayaw naman magpamahal. Baka nga hindi pa talaga handa ang Pilipinas, baka hindi pa handa ang mga tao, baka hindi pa natututo ang mga tao, baka hindi pa natin deserve sina VP Leni, Sen. Kiko at ang Tropang Angat, baka hindi pa tamang oras, baka kailangan mas malakas pa tayo, napakarami pang baka, sana, bakit pero isa lang ang sigurado ako, sigurado akong ipapanalo pa natin ito, hindi man sa ngayon, pero balang araw or sa term na “sa susunod na habang buhay” ng Ben&Ben’. I hate it when people say whoever wins it won’t affect them, well it won’t affect them personally but that doesn’t mean it won’t affect others. I can’t even find the words but my heart is broken for the martial law victims whom are still carrying the trauma from the past, the farmers which the plans of the next administration for them doesn’t even gives justice, the fisherfolks, the healthcare workers, the victims of extrajudicial killings, the workers, the abused, the poor, the youth, and the generations to come. I feel like we failed them, and we failed us. We were given the chance to vote for the best candidates for our country but many chose the worst ones possible. I’m not even sugarcoating anymore. These people on the other side are not even our worst enemy, misinformation and disinformation is, such as trolls, manipulators and gaslighters, architects of so-called networked information, its enablers, and fake news that are planted in platforms ready to pull their claws out and victimize people. Someone even wrote on twitter that “Disinformation really poisons discourse and democracy”. The other night, VP Leni assured us that she will continue to fight disinformation while also needing our help to do it, ‘Ninakaw nito ang katotohanan, kaya ninakaw din ang kasaysayan, pati na ang kinabukasan’.
When I was young, I was never politically involved and knowledgeable. My family is a supporter of the other side, and it’s no secret. Ages ago, me and my family toured the NCR, we even went by Ilocos and I even saw the patriarch himself in a glass case way before he was buried. In that moment of my life, I only knew what was told to me because I guess I was just young enough to just listen. At that time, I had no idea about Martial Law and what went on in the dark history of our country because It was never really explained to me by the people around me. And as the years went by, I started to learn, I started to know, and I started to listen. Yes, there seem to be people who had a good life during the martial law period but there are also a number of people who experienced the worst from it. Like for them, the San Juanico bridge is a symbol of love but for others it was a torture method. That’s when I started to understand that there are stories from the other side of the fence. My eyes started opening and I started knowing past my privilege. ‘Kapag namulat ka, kasalanan na ang pumikit.’ And especially when I started studying psychology, that’s when the images and visions are starting to get clearer. Real suffering exists outside the four walls that protect me. It’s true what they say “Ang choice para lang sa may pera at ang hustisya ay para lang sa mayaman.” It loses your mind thinking this is the reality for many Filipinos but we have no choice, it’s real, we just have to work ways to get past it and survive. It was really these past few years that made me be involved in learning more about what happens behind the scenes, facing and interacting with the marginalized, the poor, the victims of abuse, the results of our country’s lack of guidance and security, the youth who were failed by the system, our own system. Opening my mind, heart and eyes to these realities made me tell myself that I would never shut my eyes ever again even if it means I have to see the dark and ugly side, this is the real world, and I have to think of ways on how I can open myself to help others. These past few days as our loss starts getting clear I am beginning to realize ‘na ang hirap pala pag naiintindihan mo yung nangyayari. Sana pala di nalang tayo nag aral kasi minsan masyadong masakit na may alam tayo. Sana pala masaya tayo ngayon dahil wala tayong ipinaglaban. Masakit na naiintindihan natin yung epekto at at mga implikasyon ng mga nangyayari at pwede mangyari. Pero wala tayong magawa dahil kasama sa realidad ang sakit.’ Going back to when VP Leni announced her candidacy, it made noise till it reached every part of me, together with my cousins, after knowing enough we decided that she is the one we will support and fight for. This campaign is different from all the campaigns before, it deepened my purpose, it made me want to fight for my country, to regain and get back the real sense of our ‘pagbabayanihan’. It even ignited my passion in photography and amplified my creativity even more like never before. I was also never this patriotic but this past year I finally learned how it felt and what it means to love your country and your people. I finally understood ‘Ang nagmamahal, ipinaglalaban ang minamahal.’
No matter what happens I will never be ashamed that I stood and fought on the right side of history. ‘Isang karangalan na ipaglaban sina VP Leni, Sen. Kiko at ang Tropang Angat’. A great philosopher once said “Tumindig kayo; tinitiyak ko mayroon ding titindig sa tabi niyo.” (by the way, VP Leni is this so-called philosopher haha). I will forever be proud ‘na tumindig ako at sa mga kasama kong tumindig.’ I really had the time of my life fighting dragons with these people. The other night, in the thanksgiving event, Sen. Kiko encouraged us to turn our grief into revolutionary courage while VP Leni comforted us to allow ourselves to cry but when we are ready to wipe away our tears, we must prepare ourselves and strengthen our hearts because we have work to do. ‘Masyado pang mahaba ang problema ng ating bansa kaya hindi pa tayo pwedeng sumuko, mahirap at nakakapagod, pero hindi pa tapos ang laban, nagsisimula palang tayo. Pinapangako ko, ang namulat kong mga mata hindi na muling pipikit pa. Nasasaktan man sa ngayon, magpapahinga muna at tutulong muli sa susunod na mga araw. Titindig tayo hanggang sa dulo.’
To moving forward, onward, and upward.
Always. Team Leni & Kiko.
With Love, A.
